:: The Hub ::

buy something, or get out.
:: I am Jack's raging bileduct. :: chez moi. ::
:: old site
:: *hiss*
:: even older untouched blog
::music playing: random tunes from random tv shows
::song in head: star wars theme
::random thought: "on these basis"
::current complaint: read the above. *scoffs* god, ppl are stupid.
::current sound: bum badum badum
::should be: sleeping...fatigue kicking in..
m:The current mood of manic_me70@hotmail.com at www.imood.com sam:The current mood of tuhinaj@hotmail.com at www.imood.com A3B:The current mood of PuertoRicanIB14@netlane.com at www.imood.com Frito:The current mood of Boricuateen@juno.com at www.imood.com jslut:The current mood of curious_navel@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

:: Monday, April 7 ::

WOO HOO! it works again! yay-o!
:: 09:14 [+] ::
:: Tuesday, January 14 ::
blogger's effin up. i donlikeit
:: 12:45 [+] ::

well..it seems that Legolas' attention has wandered slightly...

:: 07:31 [+] ::
yes, i know.
:: 07:23 [+] ::

:: 07:22 [+] ::
What amusing cast moment from FotR: The Extended Edition DVD are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 06:59 [+] ::

What Celebrity are YOU?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 06:52 [+] ::
:: Sunday, January 12 ::
Which Orlando Bloom is perfect for you?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 14:42 [+] ::
i love it!
Which totally unlikely Draco Malfoy (of harry potter) hair-do are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Which Monster's Inc. character are you?

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What's Your Harry Potter Crushing Style?

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:: 13:32 [+] ::
What Lord of the Rings Male and Mood Do You Desire?

brought to you by Quizilla

Which Lord of the Rings Elf are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 13:17 [+] ::
:: Friday, January 10 ::
HA! read! thanx pippin's blog.

ok - hold on: a couple of warnings - some lotr ruinings, serious ttt spoilers, and gay fun. enjoy!

Title: The Ten-Minute Two Towers
Author: Molly J. Ringwraith (writerofirony@earthlink.net)
Pairings: Frodo/Sam, Legolas/Aragorn, Merry/Pippin...but really this
goes under "Humor" (or so I hope)!
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A somewhat condensed parody version of the film 'The Two
Disclaimer: The Tolkien characters are not of my creation.
Warnings: Het content, and serious spoilers!
Author's note: I LOVED this movie. Deeply, truly. Please keep that
on record. But I have to write parody for everything, so here goes...


GANDALF: Isn't it odd how we fell for about three miles, and yet we
ended up on TOP of a mountain?

BALROG: Who cares. It's freaking cold up here. I give up.

GANDALF: Cool. I think I'll go buy myself something white. White
is supposed to be the new black this year...


SAM and FRODO are sitting together on a rock. SAM stretches, and
drops his arm around FRODO's shoulders.

SAM: So, sir. Finally it's just you and me.

FRODO: "Finally"? What do you mean?

SAM: Oh, uh...nothing...

FRODO: Well, you're wrong. We've got company.

GOLLUM flies out of the rocks and pounces on FRODO.

SAM: Hey! Wait your turn!

SAM and FRODO tie up GOLLUM.

GOLLUM: No! Smeagol not into ropes, nassty kinky hobbitses.

FRODO: We just want you to take us to Mordor, you sicko.

GOLLUM: Mordor? Hobbitses having little Goth phase, maybe? Very
angsssty, wanting to go to Mordor, yes yes. Can Smeagol offer black
eyeliner to angsssty hobbitses?

SAM: You stop talking to Mr.--hmm. (to FRODO) You know, you
wouldn't look half bad in eyeliner.


EOMER: Hi! Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. An elf, a man,
and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark...

LEGOLAS: Ooh! And the elf shoots arrows through this git who rides
up on a horse. Yeah, I HAVE heard it! That's one of my favorites.

ARAGORN: Down, Legolas. Hey, have you folks seen a couple little
guys, about this high...?

EOMER: Nope. Oh! Unless they were in that pile of corpses we burned.

ARAGORN: Thank you; that's...useful...

EOMER: Yeah; my bad. Here, have some horses.


MERRY: Yay! We escaped the Uruk-hai!

PIPPIN: Uh, Merry? That tree is checking you out.

TREEBEARD: Hoom! Furry lawn ornaments!

TREEBEARD picks up MERRY and PIPPIN and carts them off.


GANDALF: Hey, kids. Miss me?

ARAGORN: Gandalf! You're alive!

LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!


MOLLY: A lot of political maneuvering takes place here. Let's see
if I can summarize in ten lines or less.

THEODEN: I have ash all over my face and cannot speak for myself.

GRIMA: That's the way I like it.

GANDALF: Be blinded by my new robes! Recover your smooth
complexion and your senses!

THEODEN: Hurrah! I am me again! But, damn, my son's dead.

GRIMA: Hmm. I better run.

ARAGORN: Good work, sire. Now collect your people and skedaddle
to Helm's Deep.

EOWYN: Hal-lo, handsome!

ARAGORN: Hi. You handle pointy things very well.

EOWYN: Yes. My only fear is dying a virgin. Hint, hint.

ARAGORN: Okay! Well, let's move along.



LEGOLAS and other warriors start slinging arrows and jumping onto

GIMLI: What was that God-awful noise?

LEGOLAS: I'm guessing...wargs dying.

ARAGORN: Actually, it was Legolas's fangirl contingent, shrieking
in delight at his horseback-riding tricks.

GIMLI: Ugh, that's sickening. Ooh, Aragorn, watch out! Cliff!

ARAGORN falls off cliff.

LEGOLAS: No! This is unbearable! I almost had ANOTHER facial


SAM: Gollum is such a freak.

FRODO: Yeah, well, you're a jerk.

SAM: What? He IS a freak.

FRODO: Whatever, Sam. Want some cheese with your whine?

SAM: Why are you picking on me?

FRODO: I'm so sick of listening to you. It's always nag, nag, nag.
I didn't ASK you to come along, you know.

SAM: What the HELL?

FRODO: Shut up. Screw you. Go away.

SAM: What happened to the magic, Mr. Frodo? We used to stay up
till dawn, laughing, talking, sharing...

FRODO: Oh, spare me.

FRODO stomps off.


ARAGORN finds himself in RIVENDELL with ARWEN lying on top of

ARAGORN: Hmm. This must be a dream.

ARWEN: Why do you say that?

ARAGORN: Because you're not even supposed to be IN this book.

ARWEN: Don't be mean. I'll tell Daddy.

ARAGORN: Whatever. Wake me up, would you? Since it's not really
you licking my face, I have the awful suspicion it's a horse. Or
maybe Gimli.


ARAGORN arrives and collides with LEGOLAS.

LEGOLAS: Oh, good HEAVENS. You look TERRIBLE. You are NOT
wearing THAT to the battle tonight, are you? And your HAIR! What
will we DO with you?

ARAGORN: Nice to see you, too.


GALADRIEL: Hello? Is this Elrond?

ELROND: Yes, speaking.

GALADRIEL: Hi Elrond; it's Galadriel.

ELROND: Hey, girl. Where are you?

GALADRIEL: In Lothlorien; where else would I be? Listen, I really
wanted to talk to you about Frodo.

ELROND: Yeah, I've been wondering about him lately.

GALADRIEL: He and Aragorn have SO much stuff to do.

ELROND: I know! And Aragorn's being such a wiener, I'm not even
sure I want him to marry my daughter...

GALADRIEL: Did you see his hair the other week? Hello, greaseball.

ELROND: And does he, like, only have that one shirt? Humans are so
gross. Hang on; I'm getting another telepathy call.

GANDALF: Hello? Hello? Elrond?

GALADRIEL: Gandalf? Is that you?

ELROND: Gandalf! Hey buddy!

GANDALF: Do you have me on three-way telepathy calling? I hate that.

ELROND: Yeah, sorry. I was talking to Galadriel. Hey, didn't you
die or something?

GANDALF: No, you twit. Now quit gossiping and listen. There's a
war about to start at Helm's Deep.

GALADRIEL: Yeah, and?

GANDALF: And they need your help, moron.

GALADRIEL: (exaggerated sigh) Fine, whatever. I'll send Haldir or
something. He's expendable.


LEGOLAS: This is going to be most unpleasant. Hundreds of people
will die.

ARAGORN: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

LEGOLAS: You're just jealous because I'm pretty.

ARAGORN: You're just jealous because I'm going to be king.

LEGOLAS: You can bite my ass.

ARAGORN: Hey, blow me.

(Ten minutes later)

LEGOLAS: I didn't mean that.

ARAGORN: It's okay. Me neither.

LEGOLAS: Kiss and make up?

ARAGORN: How about I squeeze your shoulder in a very special way?


PIPPIN: So we're STILL riding on this tree bloke's shoulders...

MERRY: Uh-huh. I have splinters in places you don't even want to


SAM seasons their rabbit stew as GOLLUM watches.

GOLLUM: Ssstupid fat hobbit! Using sage in stew like thisss!

SAM: What's your problem? Sage brings out the flavor.

GOLLUM: Smeagol would use nice mix of rosemary and lavender, yess,

FRODO: Hey, you guys? Something's out there in the forest.

SAM: Rosemary? Hm, maybe. But you know what WOULD be good with
this, is a basic bechamel sauce with some dill.

GOLLUM: Sssimple hobbit; anyone makesss bechamel. Vichyssoise much
tastier and more difficult; yes...

FRODO: Hello? Guys? Seriously, someone's coming.

SAM: Now, if you only found us some eggs, I could make crepes, wrap
up the meat, drizzle the juices over it with a little bit of
blackcurrant chutney...

FRODO: Hey, you guys, look! It's Martha Stewart!

GOLLUM: Where?

SAM: Where?

FRODO: Now that I have your attention, may I point out the
Oliphaunt that's about to step on us?

FARAMIR: Look! Strange little men! Let's take them home.

FARAMIR blindfolds SAM and FRODO and hauls them away.


ROHIRRIM GUARD: Sire, there are some really femmy people at the
gate. They have bows.

ARAGORN: Those are Elves. Let them in.

ROHIRRIM GUARD: Oh! Elves! Wow, I didn't expect that.


GIMLI: Arr! I'm funny because I'm short.

LEGOLAS: I'm funny because I make fun of how short you are!


FARAMIR: So, who are you, exactly?

FRODO: I'm Frodo. This is Sam.

FARAMIR: Your...image consultant?

SAM: His gardener.

FARAMIR: Ohh, like in a 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' kind of way?

SAM: Exactly.

FRODO: Righ-What??


ARAGORN: This siege is lasting forever. These poor people...

LEGOLAS: We will fight to the death. We will not fail you.

ARAGORN: Oh, not you guys--I meant the audience.

GIMLI: Aragorn! Toss me!

ARAGORN: Um, is this really the time?

GIMLI: Yes! Toss me!

ARAGORN: Look, I don't think about you that way...

GIMLI: No, you freak, throw me onto the Orcs!


TREEBEARD: We have opted, hoom, not to do a damn thing.

PIPPIN: I didn't expect that.


MERRY: Don't you even CARE? This is your planet too!

PIPPIN: You're very handsome when you yell at trees, Merry.

MERRY: Am I? Thanks.

TREEBEARD: Hoom, don't care. Taking you home.

PIPPIN: (to MERRY) Wait! I know. I'll bat my eyelashes at him.

MERRY: Good plan. I know *I* sure can't resist you when you do
that. (winks at PIPPIN)

PIPPIN: (to TREEBEARD) Mr. Tree, sir, could you take us south,

TREEBEARD: Ooom....Damn it, hoom...how can I say no to those


FRODO puts on some black eyeliner, climbs to the top of a ruined
building, and holds up the Ring. SAM pounces him and brings him
tumbling down the stairs.

FRODO: Ow! Hey! That's it-this time I'm cutting your throat.

SAM: But Mr. Frodo...I was saving the world...you were going to
give the Ring to that Nazgul...

FRODO: No, I wasn't. I was doing a lightning experiment.

SAM: Well, that's pretty stupid too, now isn't it.

FRODO: Hmm. I suppose so. Sorry, dude.

FRODO puts down the sword. SAM gets up and starts a speech.

SAM: There are good things in the world. And that's what we're
protecting. And up there, it's their time, but down here, it's OUR


TREEBEARD finds a field of stumps near SARUMAN's place.

TREEBEARD: What the bloody... ENTS! ATTACK!

MERRY: Once again, Pippin's wily eyelashes save the world.

PIPPIN: Aww, you're just saying that.

SAM (V.O.): ...And I have a dream that my eighteen children will
one day live in a Shire where they will not be judged by the color of
their teeth but by the content of their character...


GANDALF and EOMER and a few thousand ROHIRRIM come charging down and
wipe out the rest of the ORC army. EOWYN and ARAGORN and LEGOLAS and
GIMLI and THEODEN all cheer.

ARAGORN: Gandalf, finally!

GANDALF: Yes, my boy, I have come back.

ARAGORN: Took you freaking long enough.

SAM (V.O.): The world will little note nor long remember what we
say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us
the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which
they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced...

FRODO (V.O.): Um...Sam...

ARAGORN: You know what would have been really cool, though...

EOWYN: What?

ARAGORN: An army of flesh-eating trees to destroy the Orcs who are
running away.

AUDIENCE: Yeah, that would have been cool.


TREEBEARD: Hey. We're busy flooding Isengard here. We can't be
two places at once.


SAM: ...let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which
paralyzes needed efforts to-


SAM: What?

FRODO: They're letting us go. Come on.

SAM: Oh. Oh, good.


SAM: They're going to tell stories about you. Frodo the Incredibly Cute.

FRODO: Ordinarily I would tell you to stop hitting on me, but
you've saved my life so many times now, I guess I'll settle for being
uncomfortably flattered.

SAM: Cool. Oh, and by the way?


SAM: The tortured look really does work for you. Very hot.

FRODO: Aww, thanks. You deserve a special shoulder-squeeze for that.

SAM: Did you learn that move from Aragorn?

FRODO: Yeah. You like it?...

GOLLUM: (mumble, mumble)...Kill...(mumble)...death to
hobbits...(mumble mumble)...feed them to HER...(mumble,
mumble)...pain, suffering...(mumble)...make them
cry...(mumble)...kill hobbitses...(mumble) ...she will destroy

PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) "SHE"? Did he say
"she", and "her"? Who's "SHE"?

:: 20:22 [+] ::
hallo kiddies (that means you, A3B, fro) - i know there's not been any updates 4 a while, but thanx 4 hanging on. here are some quiz results...

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

What box do you get put in?

brought to you by Quizilla

which eye are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Where Did Your Soul Originate?

brought to you by Quizilla

What Color Eyes Should You Have?

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Why Will You Go To Hell?

brought to you by Quizilla
You obsessively collect Lord of the Rings merchandise, you pathetic bastard, and there are a lot of people out there like you. Hell is going to be bloody crowded with your kind. At least you won't be lonely.

Damn Peter Jackson!


Which LOTR Actor Is Your Ideal Husband?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 20:07 [+] ::
:: Thursday, December 26 ::
What kind of typical high school character from a movie are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

:: 16:56 [+] ::

You are Ithilien Sam and Frodo
Love, for you, is all about little things and real-world dedication. Leave the grand gestures and sonnets to others, to you, there is much more said in a brace of stewed coneys and a night's unsleeping watch. You like a realistic outlook on your romance, and blind innocence is just as bad as consuming darkness, though given the choice, you do like to lean a bit towards shadow.

What Sam/Frodo Moment Are You?
:: 16:46 [+] ::

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?

brought to you by Quizilla

*hoohoohoohoohahahaha* -- dodgy quiz though..
:: 16:24 [+] ::
:: Monday, December 23 ::
:: 16:14 [+] ::
dear god! go here! and click on shrines! and go to lupin!!!!!! nowwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: 16:11 [+] ::

:: 16:05 [+] ::
all results: here.
:: 16:04 [+] ::

see? fluffy!
Which Character Sympathizer Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
:: 15:58 [+] ::

What Harry Potter Pet Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

YOU ARE Pigwidgeon: You might not be the biggest, but you're definitely the cutest. Somtimes you're annoying as hell, but your heart's in the right place. You're only ickle but you try your hardest, always willing for any job no matter how small or big - you give it your all! Despite what Ron says, he loves you, really. Bitch.
:: 15:51 [+] ::
all possible writer quiz results preety pictures. :)

:: 15:41 [+] ::

What's YOUR Writing Style?

brought to you by Quizilla

You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a sense for the different and challenging, Walt Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick to write something that the rest of the world doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate yourself from the average joe. An author with a true sense of self, you have confidence in your abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO YOU!
:: 15:39 [+] ::
:: Sunday, December 22 ::
hello - sorry i haven't posted in a while. comps have been effing up. so we're here in CT. not that exciting. there's only one rock station IN THE WHOLE BLOODY STATE so i guess i'll have to give in to the emo that is my sister. damn you, tuh. actually emo's not bad at all, its just that it can get so "*deep sigh* hohhhh...'

xmas is comin. for the first time (*sings like a weather girl* in history*) i'm not excited. odd.
tuh's naggin g2g.
:: 17:15 [+] ::

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call upon the possum tribes! still a tad smelly meh - need i gripe more? where were the pink elephants when you needed them... smelly nelly shiznit-ugh!